Unique Gifts For Christians

Thursday, September 6, 2007

I'm starting a mailorder company. These gifts are sure to enhance any Christians' religious experience.

* Jesus and Friends Coloring Book.

* Biblical Characters Play Dough Set.

* Fake burning bush.

* Collection Plate with built-in ATM, bill acceptor and money changer.

* Adam and Eve snake bite kit.

* Satan's Own Personal Limited Edition BBQ Skewers.

* The Last Supper - disposable foam plates and plastic forks, (13 place setting)

* Jesus All Day Sucker Two-faced Lollypops - These delightful lollypops come in an assortment of flavors, self-righteous, hypocrite, self-loathing, and scared sheep, you can lick these up just like you do to your idiot pastor every Sunday.

* Gospel tract gum, get a different gospel tract to read inside every stick of gum.

* Weeping and bed wetting baby Jesus doll.

* Jesus Wine Decanter.

* Wishful Thinking disposable prayer cloths.

* Jesus and Satan Rock'em-Sock'em robots.

* Jesus on the cross windup toy, wind him up and watch as he twists, squirms and trys to get loose but to no avail, (awe too damned bad! )

* Do-It-Yourself Crucifixion Kit. (wooden cross not inc.)

* Jesus hammer and nail carpenter set.

* Camel dung cooking fuel, experience the real taste of outdoor cooking.

* Jesus and disciples bowling set.

* The Religious Self-righteous Dumb-Down Subservience Kit. (Your choice - KJV Bible or Qu’ran) - Discontinued, N/A)

* Benny Hinn Endorsed self-illuminating Floating Halo.

* Pestilence and Leprosy Spray Repellent.

* Virgin Mary Immaculate Conception Pregnancy Test Kit.

* Instant Miracle Drink Mix (amaze your friends - instantly turn water into wine)

* Sodom and Gomorrah Salt and Pepper Lot set.

* Satan approved - Flame Retardant Casket, withstands temps. up to 10,000 ,000 deg. (Also comes with built-in smoke detectors and fire extinguisher)

* Bobble Head Jesus and Disciple Dolls.

* Jim Jones Brand tasteless and odorless cyanide pills, ( just mix with your favorite cool-aid )

* Crown Of Thorns Leisurely Headdress

* Jesus Open Mouth Toilet Seat (finally find real everlasting comfort in Jesus)

* Inflatable Jesus and Disciples Punching Bags (for hours of personal enjoyment)

* Tammy Faye always weeping for Jesus, onion peeler.

* Jimmy Swaggart endorsed STD testing kit.

* Peter Popoff, FM transmitter set, listen directly to the voice of god!

* Cooking With Jesus Cookbook, using self-rising flour, a few examples within are - Devils food cake, Hot-Cross buns, Holy Communion Wafers , Angels food cake.

* Lucifer’s special blend Hot Wings Sauce.

* Pope on a Rope - Deodorant Soap.

* Oral Roberts - mouth wash (5 gal. sizes only)

* Robert Tilton's - Allergic To Prayer antiseptic ointment.

* Heavy duty knee pads and disposable prayer cloths.

* Jerry Falwell - Table to Mouth hi-volume conveyor belt feeder.

* Steel toed shoes - for when the preacher is stepping on your toes.

* Truth Serum Spray - To remove Jesus instantly, just spray or spread the truth near or around Jebus or a preacher and they will suddenly leave and or quitely disappear.

* Miracle-Whipped Cream Topping.

* Instant Sainthood certificates, (elect yourself to Saint).

* Neat-O Cross Jesus Spinner Mags, fits Chrysler cars only.

* Billy Graham Snack Crackers.

* Ted Haggart Lie Detector Machine (find out the real truth, yes he is a queer as a 9 dollar bill)

* Joyce Meyers Facial Paint Set (with instructions on how put lip stick around your mouth and on your teeth)

* Leeroy Jenkins Miracle-Blessing Dowsing Rod (find real miracle water, in your own home town)

* Clyde Dupin - How To Be A Religious Smuck and Geek Manual.

* Or (highly recommended) - Peter Popoff - Do it yourself - circumcision kit (you sure as hell can't get into Heaven having been uncircumcised)

* I and II Peter - Strap-On Male Extensions

* Jesus adjustable flame lighter and donkey cigarette dispenser, just lift the donkeys tail and out pops a fresh cigarette, tilt Jesus' head back and light cigarette, then pray to Jesus that you do not get cancer from smoking.

* Jesus wrist-watch - The time is always nigh for Jebus, he's on his way back to earth.

* Jesus Bless This Home-Door Matt, always dust your shoes off on Jesus before coming into your home.

* John The Baptist Figurine Liquor Flask (to use, just screw off with his head, fill with liquor and bottoms up!)

* Smiling Jesus Butt-Plugs --- These handsome, but durable Smiling Jesus Butt-Plugs will keep you feeling safe, sound and secure for hours of everlasting comfort, (keep one firmly in place for that truly unique religious experience) Let's keep JC smiling, OK?

* For the bathroom ---Holy Bible toilet paper dispenser - just insert your Holy Bible into it's patented holder and peel off the pages and wipe up when you're through defecating, the more pages you tear off, the more satisfying and comfortable feeling you'll get, just knowing you've finally found a legitimate use for your ole rusty worthless Holy Bible.

Please support this site so we can give Satan a Big Ole Black Eye. Amen?

No Prices Listed - This is a not for prophet website.

Just send what you feel is right deep down in your heart.

May God Bless Ye Continually Forever, Apeman?

Please bend over and invite Jebus into your heart today!